Anal sex can be incredibly hot but it is often misunderstood (no, enjoying anal sex doesn’t make someone gay, it merely means they like anal sex… and with all the nerve endings located in the anus, that’s not such a surprise!) and can be intimidating. But it’s not for everyone. If you have no desire to try anal sex, then don’t. Just like with any other sexual activity, you should never be pressured into doing something that you aren’t comfortable with.
While it’s normal to be a little apprehensive at first, here are some tips to help ease any anxiety you may have, because relaxation is key, and to guide you on the way to having some incredibly hot and sensual anal sex. And let me be brutally honest here, I love anal sex but I always approach it with a degree of apprehension because for me there is an initial discomfort (note, I didn’t say pain but discomfort) that goes far, far away and transforms into something absolutely magnificent once the object, cock, butt plug or dildo, is firmly planted in my bottom.
Clean up. One of the first things people are afraid is the cleanliness factor. What you may have seen in porn, spontaneous anal sex, is largely a fantasy. Actors and actresses prep for anal scenes, and that prep may involve something as extreme not eating the day before and definitely includes anal douching. Douching is safe and simple. You can either buy a disposable enema kit or an anal douche. If using an enema kit, replace the fluid with warm tap water, insert and expel. You may want to do this a few times until the expelled fluid is clear. With that one concern off your mind, and I know I’ve changed enough diapers to want to limit my contact with mood-killing poop, you may find you’re already much more relaxed and eager to get going.
Break out the lube. Everyone needs lubricant for anal sex. While the vagina self-lubricates, the anus does not, making lube an absolute necessity. Never mind that you’ve seen some guy spitting on some porn star’s butt before ramming it home, for one, she may be pre-lubed with a water-based product and the saliva is rehydrating it, for two, she’s a sexual athlete and you’re probably not and last, the application of prodigious amounts of lube no doubt happened before the filming began or ended up on the cutting room floor. I love porn but I’d be happier if porn was prefaced with a warning – trained professionals, please do not attempt these feats at home. Thick, gel like lubes produce a cushioning effect which makes them ideal for anal play. While you might know people who use desensitizing lubricants for anal play, I don’t recommend it. Desensitizing your bottom won’t help you relax and since these products numb the nerves, you won’t feel pain or discomfort. And pain is important; it’s your body’s natural warning system and lets you know when something is wrong before things go too far awry. By numbing yourself, you risk irritation or even serious damage to those delicate anal tissues.
Be horny. It helps to be really excited, so get ready with tons of foreplay. Whether you go down on each other, engage in some sensual massage or touching, it’s all good as long as it turns you on. Also, try stimulating the area surrounding the anus before diving in with fingers, toys or penises. The anus is nervous, you don’t want to just dive right in or it will tighten up like a clam shell with discomfort and frustration likely ensuing.
Experiment with butt plugs. Butt plugs are a great way to prepare for anal sex. First, because you can either insert it yourself or have your partner insert it as foreplay. You can try various shapes and sizes and materials until you find your perfect fit. Second, you may well find that you like to wear your butt plug during the day just because it keeps you in an aroused state. I have my mind set on trying butt plug Pilates but haven't braved that one yet. When you remove the plug, which can be done privately or as part of play, your bottom will be more accepting. No, you aren’t going to get all stretched out; your muscles will have relaxed a bit and will soon return to their usual state.
Go slowly. Use your fingers or a small anal toy (as long as it has a flanged base, this will prevent a not so sexy trip to the ER to retrieve a lost toy). Let it take as long as it takes to get comfortable and feel confident. If today is not the day, fine, you can try again another day.
Experiment with different positions. In seated position, you can try lowering yourself onto the cock and going at your own pace. If you’re in a doggie position, back up onto the cock. Feeling in control is another great way to alleviate anxiety and relax.
Push. While this may seem counter-intuitive, bearing down relaxes your muscles. Try it. When you press in or squeeze, your muscles tighten, when you bear down muscles ease. If you’re almost but not quite there, before giving up, try to push against the object entering your bottom. Pushing is another reason that doing a light anal douche can help you relax, you’ll be sure that nothing unexpected will be making an appearance.
Consider gloves. Gloves can prevent discomfort and scratching from ragged fingernails and provide a silky smooth surface that works great with lube. No oil-based lubes with latex gloves, as oil will degrade the glove. Plus, gloves make for simple clean up, just take’em off and toss’em. Women should be especially careful of using oil based lubes for anal sex; they tend to be thin and can drip into the vagina sending anal bacteria where it doesn’t belong.
Leading us right to just say no to ass-to-vaginal sex. Never, ever, ever go from anal sex to vaginal without using condoms and changing them in between orifices. Even with this precaution, washing the object that just came out of your butt after removing the condom is very much advisable before inserting said object into a vagina.
So if the thought of having something in your butt turns you on, go forth, get your lube, douche and butt plug ready, get excited, play with positions and take your time. Anal sex is extremely pleasurable for many men and women, it’s a definite don’t knock it till you’ve tried it activity. For a more detailed look at anal sex, check out the oh-so-fabulous Tristan Taormino’s